[she looks up at him, then down at their hands, trying to decide whether or not she wants to talk about it. eventually, she takes a breath and starts talking quickly, as if afraid she will chicken out if she stops.]
...well. My father was always kind to me, and to my mother. They fell in love with each other when they were young, you see. But... his family opposed the match, because my mother was the daughter of my grandfather's concubine, not his official wife. Instead, they arranged a marriage between my father and my mother's sister, the daughter of my grandfather's wife. And my father ended up taking my mother as his concubine in order to stay with her.
[she sighs.]
He said that when we moved to the capital, things would change. That he would take my mother as his second wife to legitimize her. It was a prime opportunity; the people in the capital were further away from the influence of my grandfather's family. But... my sister, my aunt's daughter, quickly convinced her mother to introduce me as the daughter of our father's concubine when we arrived, and told my father that it would not reflect well on him if his colleagues at the palace "just so happened" to discover that he was disrespecting his first wife by taking her sister as his second. And so my mother remained my father's concubine.
Since then it has grown even worse. My sister dishonored the family and was disowned. My father divorced his first wife. But even then, he did not take my mother as his wife, since it would cause a scandal to marry her so soon. He did add me to the family register as his daughter, but... as my mother has grown older, he seems to have been less pleased with her. He... remarried. A different woman, the daughter of one of the officials at the palace, for the connections the match would bring him. And she torments my mother, because she is jealous, and my father does nothing to stop it. [she bites her lip.] ...and the man I met, who loved me and swore he would make me his wife - his family opposed our match, as well, because I am a concubine's daughter. So he took me as his concubine instead.
[tl;dr men suck.]
...it worries me, to think that my mother is there without me now. I cannot help her at all if I don't find a way back.
[ he listens through it all, somewhere between dazed and frustrated. yves has been easygoing for most of his time here, and even now he's listening with more curiosity than anything. there's a lot of pieces that sound complicated, politics and systems that he's not even slightly familiar with
but at the end, he just frowns and says perhaps a little too decisively: ] If he promised to make you his wife, he should make you his wife. I feel that way about both you and your mother—I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of my place, Waner.... but...
You both deserve better than what you've received.
Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you go back. You should get to be with her.
I feel the same way. A promise made should be a promise kept.
[she looks down at her hands.]
...I've lived my whole life that way. Thinking that we deserve more than what we were born to. And now I am here, and I am told that I must be "better" than I was in order to go back. Does that mean belieivng that was wrong? If I have to simply accept my lot in life... [she shakes her head.] I do not know that I can.
To be honest, that is the thing that I find confusing here... I don't know what makes a person "better" by what standards. I think everyone is probably trying their best as they are.
But... maybe it's something besides that, Waner. Maybe there's another aspect in which you should approach your redemption, because I don't think settling for less is the right way.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I am glad that you enjoyed it, Yves. My mother taught me to play.
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[ and he'll move up from his seat now so that he can wander closer to her and the instrument since the performance is over ]
Are you close with your mother?
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[she is busting herself with making sure everything gets put away safely so the guzheng doesn't get damaged. she'd like to play it again later.]
My mother and I ... for a time, all we had was each other. I suppose in some ways that may still be true.
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yves looks curious ]
Is it...? In the new city you moved to?
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Yes. My father, he... [she looks down at her hands.] ...well, he did not quite keep his word about what would happen when he moved.
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... if it's hard to talk about, you don't need to force yourself.
But if it's hard to carry... I can help shoulder the weight with you, so you're not alone with it.
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...well. My father was always kind to me, and to my mother. They fell in love with each other when they were young, you see. But... his family opposed the match, because my mother was the daughter of my grandfather's concubine, not his official wife. Instead, they arranged a marriage between my father and my mother's sister, the daughter of my grandfather's wife. And my father ended up taking my mother as his concubine in order to stay with her.
[she sighs.]
He said that when we moved to the capital, things would change. That he would take my mother as his second wife to legitimize her. It was a prime opportunity; the people in the capital were further away from the influence of my grandfather's family. But... my sister, my aunt's daughter, quickly convinced her mother to introduce me as the daughter of our father's concubine when we arrived, and told my father that it would not reflect well on him if his colleagues at the palace "just so happened" to discover that he was disrespecting his first wife by taking her sister as his second. And so my mother remained my father's concubine.
Since then it has grown even worse. My sister dishonored the family and was disowned. My father divorced his first wife. But even then, he did not take my mother as his wife, since it would cause a scandal to marry her so soon. He did add me to the family register as his daughter, but... as my mother has grown older, he seems to have been less pleased with her. He... remarried. A different woman, the daughter of one of the officials at the palace, for the connections the match would bring him. And she torments my mother, because she is jealous, and my father does nothing to stop it. [she bites her lip.] ...and the man I met, who loved me and swore he would make me his wife - his family opposed our match, as well, because I am a concubine's daughter. So he took me as his concubine instead.
[tl;dr men suck.]
...it worries me, to think that my mother is there without me now. I cannot help her at all if I don't find a way back.
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[ he listens through it all, somewhere between dazed and frustrated. yves has been easygoing for most of his time here, and even now he's listening with more curiosity than anything. there's a lot of pieces that sound complicated, politics and systems that he's not even slightly familiar with
but at the end, he just frowns and says perhaps a little too decisively: ] If he promised to make you his wife, he should make you his wife. I feel that way about both you and your mother—I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of my place, Waner.... but...
You both deserve better than what you've received.
Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you go back. You should get to be with her.
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[she looks down at her hands.]
...I've lived my whole life that way. Thinking that we deserve more than what we were born to. And now I am here, and I am told that I must be "better" than I was in order to go back. Does that mean belieivng that was wrong? If I have to simply accept my lot in life... [she shakes her head.] I do not know that I can.
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To be honest, that is the thing that I find confusing here... I don't know what makes a person "better" by what standards. I think everyone is probably trying their best as they are.
But... maybe it's something besides that, Waner. Maybe there's another aspect in which you should approach your redemption, because I don't think settling for less is the right way.
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[she drops her gaze to her hands.]
Although, I imagine we are all grappling with something similar. Since we don't know how our growth is being measured, precisely...
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It's okay. We'll be here a while, so I'm sure you'll have time to figure it out - and then you'll be back home with your mother in no time.
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And if there's anything I can do to help, just say the word, okay? I'll come running.
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[she smiles faintly at that. i think we can wrap here? good lord this week got away from me]